Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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