Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
