She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
