The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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