It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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