Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
