I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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