his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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