He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
