Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
