I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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