At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
