its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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