she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
