you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
