Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
ttyl tear gas
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Sext me about skeletons
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
