There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
