i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
