Kiss
Puke
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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