I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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