Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
