if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I need moral support for this bender
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
