The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
