STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
