i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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