i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
