Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
