North Korea, Best Korea!
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
