This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
