Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I wish you could order shots online.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
