i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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