so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
