He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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