Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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