Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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