i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
