turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
