Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
