i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
