I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
