Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
