my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
