Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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