I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
