So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
