I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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