I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
being pregnant is like rehab
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
