I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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