Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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