You made me cry and you don't even care
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
