This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
