Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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